


you're in a car with a beautiful boy

by mitzski



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s06e16 Triggers, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Set during 6x16, this is just angsty theo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23643523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitzski/pseuds/mitzski
Summary: Theo (over)thinks on the drive away from the Zoo with Liam. Set during Triggers (6x16).
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Comments: 11
Kudos: 61





	you're in a car with a beautiful boy

**Author's Note:**

> just rewatched teen wolf and wrote this because what else am i supposed to do during a pandemic. i think i could write about theo being angsty forever, so here's some of that. this is loosely based on an excerpt of "You Are Jeff" by Richard Siken, and the title is also from that poem. he has a ton of great poetry that reminds me of thiam so check him out!! anyway hope u like this :)

"You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves  
you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terr-  
ible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself  
a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy,  
and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to  
choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and  
he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your  
heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you  
don’t even have a name for."

– Excerpt from “You Are Jeff” by Richard Siken

When Liam finally wakes up from Theo knocking him out (for the fifth time), they’re in the truck. Theo has one hand loosely gripping the steering wheel, and the other tightly clutching the gear shift. The inane thought of gripping Liam’s hand instead whips through his mind before Theo can stop it, but he brushes it away with practiced ease. Although his eyes are glued to the road, Theo’s tracking Liam’s every movement as he wakes up–his quickening heartbeat, his heavy eyelids blinking slowly, his slight wince as he notices the faint ache in his head. Theo almost apologizes, feeling a still unfamiliar twinge in his chest at the thought of Liam in pain, but he sticks to the role he’s playing. He knows the McCall pack would rather deal with the same old asshole Theo than the mess of tangled, bloody emotions that came back out of the ground. Before Theo can delve further into the hole his mind is trying to dig, Liam questions him with a slight groan (his chest aches again), and a smug response rolls off Theo’s tongue thoughtlessly. 

But as Liam stays vulnerable, letting his thoughts tumble out of his jumbled brain into the darkness of the truck around them, Theo finds it harder and harder to keep up his asshole persona, wanting to reach over and grip Liam’s arm and take his pain and figure out exactly what was going on in his head. Theo wishes they were still throwing punches because that would be easier than saying anything other than a sarcastic comeback. 

His (sister’s) heart, he figures out, is what’s causing the insistent twinge in his chest and what forces him to question Liam’s plan, most importantly: why him? Why take Theo along to a place where Liam’s anger ran wild, where the hunters were shooting to kill? His mind unhelpfully offers, _he thinks you’re expendable_ , and he almost chokes on the spasm his heart gives at that thought. Then another part of him thinks, _he feels_ safe _around you,_ and maybe that’s even worse. But Liam seamlessly avoids his question with a vague response, and Theo’s both relieved at the tacit agreements in their fragile relationship and irritated at the unresolved turmoil still roiling in his mind. 

He somehow placates himself by letting his analysis of Liam’s emotions (one at a time) slip out instead of his analysis of his own because Theo could never justify telling Liam what was going on in his head. He’ll keep giving Liam what he expects until the day the pack figures out his gnarled emotions and forces him to leave before he fucks up something else. Theo knows that Malia and Stiles, if not Scott and Lydia, would see his (sister’s) aching heart as a threat because everything Theo’s ever wanted, he’s had to kill for first. 

He’s snapped out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder, _Liam’s_ hand on his shoulder, and it takes all of his strength to not swerve off the road, to not stop breathing. Liam whispers a small, soft _thanks_ that echoes through the truck, dropping like a pin in a silent room. Theo’s mind goes into overdrive as he tries not to react, focusing on keeping his heartbeat and breath even, trying to find an appropriate response, trying to understand what Liam is thanking him for. 

Theo’s almost recovered when Liam punctuates his soft words with a squeeze of Theo’s shoulder, and this time, Theo can’t stop the stutter of his breath. He can feel Liam’s eyes on the side of his face as he works to keep his own on the road in front of them, to keep his heart from ratcheting up again. Theo finally works up the courage to glance at Liam and give him a small quirk of his lips, hoping to a god he doesn’t believe in that Liam will leave it at that for the night. Fortunately, Liam seems satisfied as he softly smiles back, letting it reach his eyes, and finally taking away the hand gripping at Theo’s shoulder. Theo stops himself from exhaling in relief, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel in an attempt to distract himself from the disappointment of Liam’s retreating touch. 

A quiet suddenly permeates the truck after that, one that isn’t filled with tension or anger, one that Theo isn’t used to. When Theo can finally stop forcing his heart to not beat out of his chest, he lets himself listen to the steady rhythm of it, the only sound he can hear besides the rumble of tires over pavement. It’s no longer twinging as it had for the first part of the drive, but beating almost comfortingly as the image of Liam’s soft smile stays in his head. Even thoughts of his sister’s cold and determined fingers clawing her heart back can’t overtake his thoughts of Liam (though they’re still there, they always are), and for the first time, Theo feels the heart that isn’t his take root in his chest. 

Maybe one day, the insistent beat of his sister’s heart won’t remind him of the million things he regrets, but of the comforting way his sister used to run her fingers through his hair after nightmares, or how she would kick at his feet under the dinner table with a distracting smile when their parents’ arguments spilled out of their bedroom. The root in his chest isn’t hope (which the doctors had cut out of him a long time ago), but it’s _something_. So, Theo lets himself glance over at Liam again, who’s pressing his face against the cool glass of Theo’s truck with heavy-lidded eyes, and lets the thought of Liam’s fingers wrapping around Theo’s hand instead of his shoulder trickle back into his mind, watering the roots sprouting around his heart. 


End file.
